let it snow

sometimes x mas filters the frens that care and the frens that dont, dont it. i think the one who bother to write you a note or better still get you a present are the ones. so i think i fail in terms of being a fren. the only presents i remember getting are the ones for gift exchanges and stuff and one to my girlfriend. i got absolutely nothing for family, spiritual family, friends.. nothing at all. feel a bit bad now. no wonder i am staying at home on xmas even night when everyones partying somewhere.

a little detached somehow.

thoughts been running thru my mind awfully lot these daes. havent been having a single gd nights rest. someone n only someone noes abt this. been waking up at 5 am with this soreness at my throat. its itchy and pretty bad. so bad i am having difficulty sleeping. irritates me many nights. this brings me to mornings when i am practically a zombie. need naps in the dae to replenish the lack of sleep. cutting my day short by that number of hours. i hate that. functional person, or so many hav said abt me.

do i stop ever once in a while to do things like telling myself the sky is blue? or even appreciating that it is blue?! i guess so. i look at ponds with fish in it and wonder how it feels to be them. i wonder what mac thinks when he sees humans bathe.

i used to write to girls like i write to my diary. i rem i addressed all my journal entries to this girl for a while. and when my heart changed, the addressee changed to. but i guarantee you that the person i write to is never my girlfriend.
its always someone who broke up with me or something. guess i'll be writing real soon. or maebe i can address my blogs to someone. ha.

heres the card i gave to my girlfriend as promised