Sunday, November 06, 2011

When you try to recall all the major failures and successes in life

I am in one of those periods when an upcoming big event will probably make a significant difference in my life. one of those that resembles me having a scholarship that i pretty much want very much, or like maybe having confessed to a girl of my feelings for her and eagerly awaiting her reply. or should I say, still in the planning stages of making that confession.

the fear of rejection, failure could grip you hard. especially when you think of how disappointed you were when you failed to make it for some of the significant things that meant quite a bit to you. a dropped subject in JC, a lost competition, a commissioning parade that didn't happen, an interview that you should have aced etc. some of those arguably were not in your control etc...

and then you thought of the moments when you triumphed in life. for all those that failed, it was all those that you made for that brought you to where you are right now. and so since, i wouldn't consider myself to be in a position that i particularly find unfortunate, I guess I am alright. but thinking back at those successes, it was really that 'i've got nothing to lose' attitude that i recall to be most vivid. it might not be a causative relationship, but well, I guess it did just allow me to say what I wanted and well, hope for the best. of course i guess the prep work is impt too blah blah blah...

Friday, May 20, 2011

when you've been here long enough

you know it when you have been in a country long enough when you have the chance to talk to 2 old men and realize that old men here are no much different from old men in your country. I've had 2 sets of older men come to me this week with a proposition of how they intend to 'take over the world'. 1 was my dad. in fact, there probably was a time when he would come up with a new plan every week, so its no big deal I guess.

Of course, its stupid to think that just because I am younger and sort of like more savvy, that these people whose been through life has been outrun by the speed of change in this new generation. they definitely still do have things to offer. its just perhaps I dont see the practicality of what they bring to the table. they have lots of experience talk. but few that I find applicable today. of course, I have an old man side of me. I dont use twitter. I find it very difficult to learn new IT stuff, I prefer to still physically go shopping instead of making my purchases online etc. So in a way, me being outrun by the generation, has already begun from day 1. simply put, if you dont run, you are bound to fall behind behind those who sprint. you cant even go for a brisk walk. its not a world of speed anymore. its more of who has the acceleration.

enough of all these generation talk.

you know I really think that Tokyo has very few to offer me anymore. although there are tons of things to learn in the company, I just find this rhythm really very very routine. although I am not complaining about it. I find it rather easy to sort of earn money, with each day involving just moving around, sending some emails, handling some stuff etc. but I just find I am not growing that much. or should I say, all of these growth I am sort of like trying to achieve, should have somehow been done in uni!

but then again. time is just so limited now. I have so much I want to read and so but so little time.

Monday, March 14, 2011

a slightly more private status update

been staying home all day. in fact for the past few days. supposedly glued to the tv for news on the earthquake. but as a matter of fact, I am not really following every single bit of info coz they are fairly repetitive. a few quick ones that I just want to rant:

life goes on. i was jogging on sunday, 2 days after it happened, with lots of feelings of danger and stuff, but i still went out for a jog anyway, partly also to 'survey' the surroundings rather than just get all the info from the news. as i was running, i was reminded that the sakura season is round the corner. life goes on isnt it. not that the sakura wont blossom because of the national tragedy. i wonder how this years sakura season, with all the hanami and supposed happy celebrations would turn out for Japan. for an outsider who has not experienced this all his life, i was half thinking that its part of the way of life for Japanese for all such natural disasters. after all, it is probably the most hit, most prepared and probably most used to country for such stuff. but yet, I sense that I am wrong. that it obviously is not a daily, annual, or even whatever close to what I am assuming. many have told me they have never experienced disaster to this extent. perhaps some of the previous memories have stayed on, but it probably was the previous generation who still remembered the previous big one which happened in Kobe in the 1990s, and of course, the region is totally different. but the bottom line is, life goes on. when a price tag is finally estimatable on this disaster, Japan will and is expected to move on from there. it might be usd 100 bil, which was the previous figure for the great Hanshin earthquake, but i suspect it might be more this time, with the tsunami, although it hit a less populous area in the tohoku area and northern Kanto area.

in the past few days, I've received countless mails, facebook msgs, sms, anyway way of contact that could reach me. i've even been approached several times by media who wants interviews, reports on the situation in tokyo. some of my family have urged me to consider going back to singapore for time being in fear of many of the situation here, especially the risk of the nuclear meltdown. to be honest, it feels good to be this remembered. it reminded me of how my dad has really gone into that stage where he is cherishing his loved ones. yet, regretably and ironically, I have not received any contact from Mum.

Wednesday, December 01, 2010

a life of numbers

24 hours
17 hours awake
2 bath towels
3 suits
10 shirts
2 hangkys
about 10 hours on iphone and computer screens
0 TV
always 1 coke in the fridge
1 nice and warm comforter for the winter
...

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

I shall try again

0715: i wake up to my alarm ringing. I slowly make my way to the bathroom to wash up, while boiling some water on the way.

0720: water boils, I tear a sachet of coffee or tea and make myself a warm cup of whatever to go with the cold morning. I quickly put on my heat tech, to not catch a cold while walking around, and struggle whether to make breakfast, which often ends up as nothing.

0745: I slowly decide what to wear for the day. not that I have that many choices. I wax my hair, put on some cologne, underwear, pants, with the heat tech still on and a shirt on it. I put on my blazer and another winter jacket on top. I look at the time.

0815: I do my final checklist of items, waller, namecard holder, keys, company pass, iphone, umbrella (after checking the weather), scarf/gloves, when it gets cold. I undust myself with the sticker roller thing to pick away all the dust. I remember my notebook, pen and all the things in my working bag.

0820: I get out of house, say good morning to Tokyo, and walk to the station. along the way,I pass by a coffee place with an auntie who says good morning, I keep to the left because its too crowded, occasionally needing to cut to the right. I cross a 4 way junction, pass my a smoking corner normally filled with working people taking a morning puff, before I head up the escalator to the train station. the whole distance takes me a mere 6 mins.

0830: I normally take 1 of 2 trains which goes to my office, of which many people alight at my station, so I dont take a filled train typically of tokyo, but I rarely have a place to sit. I whop out my iphone, read straits times online and sometimes check nba scores online.

0840: I reach Tokyo station, once again, alighting at the back of the train so that its nearest to my exit. I keep left while I walk again, often walking behind people who are already going in the same direction. I see highways of people, for an efficient morning commute.

0845: I reach the office, on my com, record on the time I reach, set down my bag and head to the toilet. I return and check my emails.

0900: the office gets busier and I start my task.

1130: I head to the toilet.

1215: I head for lunch, often a bento store downstairs and bring it back to the office pantry to eat.

1300: an after lunch coffee prevents me from dozing off after a heavy lunch.

1500: I get up and take a walk to the pantry to fill my water.

1830: I get off work, head home.

1845: I reach home, heat up some curry made the night before, fry a steak and toast some bread as dinner. I check out NBA highlights while eating.

1915: I finish dinner and place everything in the sink to be washed later.

1930: I head out again for Japanese classes.

2000: I reach the language centre, start class on Japanese grammar with Xianna.

2130: class ends, I feel tired. I head home.

2145: I reach home, undress, and wash the dishes. I check my email, occasionally type things like this.

2215: I take a shower.

2300: I collect my clothes from the balcony, and fold them and keep them. those that requires ironing, I put aside for the weekend.

2310: my girlfriend calls and tells me shes is going to the hot spring.

2315: I go online for a quick chat with whoever.

2330: I moisturise myself before I head to bed.



tokyo 24 hours

0715: I wake up to the sound of my iphone's alarm ringing. (while I am typing this, i get stuck for moments at some punctuations because the japanese keyboard has their ' and , etc at different places from the english keyboard. and I am semi used to both (neither). anyway, back to it, I wake up to my alarm, pretty easily. on tired

Saturday, November 20, 2010

外国启示录

星期六的下午,天好快就转暗了,有些加强了我一个人的周末的感觉。左抹抹右擦擦的,不觉得望着前些日子洗下的照片,是我们家的全家福。看着照片,我想起了自己的生活,那非常简单,从零开始,一个人在日本打拼的生活。2件篮球裤,5件底裤的那种从零开始的生活。顿时领悟到,‘原来生活是可以那么的简单的呀!’。

象这样子,可以一整天待在家里的日子,其实除周末之外,很少了。也偶尔会让我非常想家。再过3年,可能真的不想在往外跑了也说不定。真的说不定。人生可能就关键在这三年了。钱要赚得够,老婆要找得对,很多事情就看这3年了。

在东京其实算是个让我集中精神开拓事业的好地方。就因为这里也没什么朋友,应酬,所以真的周末都可以集中精力做自己要做的事。学学日语,读读一些自己业界的书,真的还瞒集中的。而且我的问题往往就在太多社交,在新加坡真的很难有着样子的自己的时间。

Friday, October 29, 2010

another day in Tokyo

1 month into the job, I'm starting to develop some sort of a routine in my daily life in Tokyo. waking up at the same time because my body clock is used to it etc. i get up at like 830am latest even on weekends now. which i think is a really good thing. routines include making myself a warm cup of coffee or tea in the morning, getting dressed etc. in the morning, when I get to work, the roads at my place are congested with people, I even have a routine of which side of the road to walk, same thing for Tokyo station. I get to work, and I have a routine of keying in my pass number to log in the time etc.. I even have a certain time at which I go to the washroom. which is why i thought the human body has this amazing ability to time things and make it function like a robot man. i normally go to the same bento place to buy a cheap bento and have it in the pantry where some of my female colleagues would have made their own bento which they brought to the office.

at night, sometimes I return to my station, and having meals alone have also been somewhat of a routine here. if U think i'm becoming a loner, think again. everyone does that here. I reach home and the routine starts again, just that I am undoing everything I am doing in the day. throwing the laundry into the washing machine, checking email, etc..