Teacher, teaching teach, taught, tutor, tuition.... intuition!

in my first week in St gabriels sec sch, amidst my struggle to adapt to the mischievous boys in school, one of my fellow PE teachers asked me if i would consider teaching. my immediate answer was no, considering the unempowering babysitting kind of job scope i had. to be honest, 2 weeks here is not enough to really have a long lasting impact to the boys' lives. or so it seemed... the PE teacher who spoke to me said that he din consider teaching his career before he came in too. it was after doing relief that got him in. he told me to not be so sure.. there is nothing more true than that.
if 2 weeks seems a little too short to have an impact, think again. i could already remember easily 20 to 30 names in this short span of time and counting. its my 6th day at work. and the names dont come by hard memorising. it comes by simply talking cok to them... playing basketball with them, challenging them to shooting and then make them run wound the court if they lose... etc.. (by the way i was fortunate to have not lost in the shootout competition since i could not run at all) almost like pian xiao hai zi. hahah.
my schedule is basically Mr Foo's schedule. the PE HOD of the school. so fortunate or unfortunately i got a slightly more relaxed sched than most teachers, but i would more often than not be last min inserted to do relief for any teachers who werent there because of various reasons... MC being one of them. cut the long story short i end up with about 7 to 8 periods a day on average. which is average teachers workload i guess. out of which the bulk is PE periods. i do have one interesting class on tuesday afternoons tho. and that is this thing called Values education (VE for short) this lesson is something like our CME in those days i guess. but it doesnt teach you to be a Hao Gong Min anymore like those help old grandma cross the road kind. hahaha. cant help but laugh. instead it teaches the kids various more into date topics like Sexuality. mind u, dun giggle as of now. SEXUALITY doesnt equate to SEX. and NO i do not teach them how to put on condoms etc. and i do not use a pointer to point to that dangling object and explain the various parts of it hahahahaha. instead i teach them about gender issues. and in my opinion the biggest lesson that i can teach them is for them to learn how to treat a lady properly..
todays class was so so so so so so so so empowering. i cant imagine this was the same class last week that had me struggling so so so so hard to get their attention. to be honest i am somewhat amazed myself that i could capture that level of attention from these boys. and its so great that i was allocated VE since its not a main main examinable subject maths where i cant talk cok to them. at least for today i din have a syllabus. so since i had 1 simply message to bring across... incredible! i spoke from class start to class end. a good 1hr 10 mins. so glad i have that gift of being able to talk cok.
anyway. if you think 2 weeks couldnt make a diff. really. think again. i had sec 4 students who came to talk to me coz i took their class for service learning last yr as a part of our community service project in SMU. wow. and they stil rem me even after a total change of image hahahah. and the list goes on.. from msn to friendster.. basically its about speaking in these kid's lingo. isnt it? i never had to remember names because i just gave them nicknames.. Judo boy, etc.
i'm on so much adrenaline i'm blogging here instead of going home. ha.

rainy day in schools.

end of first week in sch and i am already panting like a dog. its really a gd thing to pacify urself thinking naively that by playing with boys on the basketball court you are actually making a difference in their lives. i really wonder what i will do as a full time teacher. the other day i went into a class doing something pretty stupid with them. ask them close their eyes and do positive framing with them. the way the self help gurus are doing chargin you hundreds. not sure if it worked. but at least i did it. if it worked for one of them i think its worth it.

this relief teaching job sure came in a rather timely manner. always wanted a job like this but not for too long. 2 weeks is just nice i must say.

Signs of the last days..

Luke 21:5-19
Collosians 4:2-6
Proverbs 20:2-3

needs little explaining. i wonder how people will think when i say "i think God is teaching me...." i think God is trying to tell me"...

but to be honest. i havent been having the best year of my life lately. at least for the past yr, its been disappointments after disappointments. sure, i've taken time off to reflect. but have i learnt anything. or am i going back to the cycle of occupying myself with whichever comes first?

how do i make my decisions? to be honest, i do not know.

my household banged the car at least 2 or 3 times this yr. the latest one contributed by me just hours ago. it resembled one of my dreams where i was frantically trying to brake but nothing is happening and i am on the way to ram into a car. cept this time i tried to brake but just din make it in time.

for most, this would be the time to go have a look at our fengshui. cept, we dun rreally have a place to look at fengshui. we are all scattered anyway. so whats wrong? what is God trying to tell me? punishment for what? how do we pinpoint which is the contributing factor to this? yes, of course we cant pinpoint since it is all in God's timing. not in ours. true enough, we cant say,

the above verses tt i was prompted to leads me to interpret it in this way:

God comes only after the 'darkest hour'. press on. but then again, is this the darkest hour. its nothing compared to many others. i merely lost the car.. for while. no problem for me to do without it. stand firm. do not lose faith. how not to when your world is really falling down and you havent in your own expectations experienced anything really positive in the past 2 years or so. why is the world falling down on me?

Diligence in prayer. how? i keep hearing my pastor starting off encouraging us to pray in this way: "Do you know that prayer is actually the greatest weapon we have against the evil one?"
to top it up, it is delivered in a very matter of fact way. like we all know it but need to be reminded. true indeed. there are so many things in life tt we know but need to be reminded. like our mum is our mum. literally. someone tell me i do not sound childish here.

"it is to a man's honour to avoid strife, but every fool is quick to quarrel"
strife: bitter sometimes violent conflict or dissension
so?

God, allow me a season of focus. pls. i will not be quick to quarrel but take a step back and reflect upon all my actions. allow this semester to be different from the rest. amen.

divine intervention

interesting..
there is this colleague of mine who reminds me of a PE teacher that i had a sort of a love hate relationship. this PE teacher in my previous school was in charge of basketball and favoured the girls' team more than the guys. for example, he probably gave up on the guys team and because we were known to be mischievous. thus filling in all the NATLEA camps with girls. meaning he thinks that it is not worth investing in the guys on leadership. self fulfiling prophecy isnt it? the more you dont believe, the more you do not nurture, the more there wont be results.
many, i'm not saying all. and if they do not realise it, they do not know how much impact they have on society by their actions on the kids. i had a teacher who sacked me as captain and did not give me a reason, neither a warning. i'm sure she had her reasons, but she din explain to me. another pure case of having given up hope on me.
i was reading Lee Kuan Yew's book yesternight and he mentioned that he subscribed to a magazine from London. but when they published an article that stated that equilibrium can only be achieved when the best teachers are posted to teach the worse students because the best students would do well anyway.. he stopped the subcription soon after. a part of me wonders whats wrong with that in achieving a society with a smaller gap. but i do understand the wrongs with that system i guess.
teachers are so so so important.. do we all realise tt? esp sec sch teachers. and sae college sch teachers. do we realise that we have one single best time to inspire a person and that is probably in that window of 15yrs to 19yrs thereabouts?
perhaps some of us learn the hard way. i def have that teacher to thank for since she made me learn it the hard way. so yes. maebe we do sometimes need some lousy teachers for this to happen. some people just learn better the hard way. like me. tough isnt it.
is it the people around be getting more and more rules focused or am i the one who is the big problem fellow who doesnt follow rules?

We Love because He first loved

wow. what a bautiful phrase. beautify probably underrates it in my heart. i realise that my bro has in some ways the same writing style as me in his blogs. wow. check out the influence.

there are others who have influences. someone once said, "We love because He first love" by the way tt someone also happens to love the phrase "someone once said". beautiful yet again isnt it? like the act of paying forward from a parent loving his own child unconditionally. they loved their children because their parents first loved them.. isnt it?

can we exercise the old chinese idealism of "Bo Ai" and extend it to pple around us and love them because someone first loved us? i believe we can. i believe we can. i really do. i could love the irritating auntie in the train, i could love the seemingly arrogant brother of another race. i think i could do all these. am i just more open than the average person? maebe but maebe not. maebe its because Someone first loved me. maebe He loved everyone but its just tt i got to know it and there are others who dont... and when they do, wont the world become a better place? correct me if i am wrong, but isnt this what evangelism is about?

thanks for all the concern on the knee. might have torn something. might not. pray hard then.

Who's billy?

Billy's leaving today (don't know where he's going).

Holds his head in disgrace (he can't escape the truth).

He knows the price that he's paid.

He admits that it's too late to admit that he's afraid.

Tomorrow comes. Sorrow becomes his soul mate.

The damage is done. The prodigal son is too late.

Old doors are closed but he's always open,

To relive time in his mind.Oh Billy.

The latest Buzz

whats the latest buzz anyway? by reading Life! everyday and subscribing to what they tell you is in or out? hm.. Harry Potter over the weekend and Transformers over the last? i'm not so sure about that. or what the govt tells us abt the in things. like life science couple of years before, and then the IR and then maebe back to basics reminding us that the 'building blocks' of society is made up of family. do we really think that this world is this small? there must be more to it than this. similarly when i was in japan, i was telling myself, there must be more to what life can offer than that. yah??

the latest craze in my town is Takuya Kimura! A lil late for that craze isnt it? its like going crazy over Andy Lau's new hit single which is ridiculously called "yi". someone says he sounds like wang li hong. not sure if he'll be happy hearing that. You must must must watch this show called Engine. if anyone is even listening at all. it has taken over any other drama, Jap or Korean or whatever Prison Break Heroes you have. all time favourite. above even my full house! real good stuff. gd 11 episodes packaged in a concise yet meaningful and touching way. Takuya Kimura as a racer, what can possibly go wrong in this combi? must watch!

but but but.. forget abt the latest craze in town called Cafe Del Mar. Total crap. at least for my quick first experience there. yes it may just my ill luck tt i gana people who have lousy service attitudes. but it has gotten to the stage where i dun think they even deserve a 2nd chance. i might go there under certain circumstances tho.. but never volunteerily. waste my time.

and... Harry Potter is one empty shell. they're probably deliberately playing this down for the finale. something like how the Two Towers kinda had no ending to prepare for the final grand ending of The return of the king.. it didnt deserve any more than 3 stars only when considered the amt of money poured into special effects.

Requirements of a Father.

Basic requirements of being a father. let's not be cliche and say all the lead the family, breadwinner etc. Feed the Child.

and to me fathering has little to do with blood relations. to me who feeds me and loves me from his heart is my father. believe or not. i'm the kind who would follow my stepfather who feeds me for 20 years rather than the shotgun father who had to abandon me years ago when he comes back for me. never mind if he had his reasons. never mind tt he is sincere this time and can feed me from here. i'm the kind.

if i have a penny, i'd give it to the father who gave me his penny when i needed it. basic rules of repaying kindness.

long long long conversation with my Blood Daddy. in some sense i understand his situation as well. in his analogy he has 8 holes and 4 covers. and i mentioned in this world, those who are nice are taken for granted. ALA

argh.. posting this at this time for what? Blogs are for pple with nothing better to do? haha.

ok i must be responsible since this is a public domain. blogger integrity.

been a long time i've felt this. no wonder. this is the true meaning of blogging. the feeling of nostalgia when you pour your heart out to something that is opinionless. like a Dog. wow. love it.

so this Dad of mine. what does he do? i once told him tt he could go check out jason's blog to catch up on the son tt he missed all these years. think about the part of his childhood that he missed. but its impossible for him lah. he'd have to spend his whole day reading if he read all his sons' blogs. mine for one will take him quite some time to catch up if he were to read from the first post. Jasons dun even bother. you'll not finish. he'd blog faster than you can read.

in my lifetime.... forgot what i wana write already.

i wonder which part of my dad i inherited. i already know. we all know it. at least my bro and i. we just need a look from each other. we know it.

perhaps the greatest inheritance from him would not be his money. but the spirit of "we came to earth naked, and we would leave it naked", the spirit of "letting go" and some would say "happy go lucky". believe me, my dad is not having the best time of his life. believe me. but i truly am amazed at some of the things tt could come out from his mouth at this juncture. Good or bad. i am equally amazed.

if i signed up for the 100K, the first one I'd bless is my Dad. and in a sense i did tt tonight. perhaps even more powerful than sitting down to pray with him. I told him how i felt. man to man. son to Dad, whatever you call it. i told him tt i was angry at him. i told him tt he needed a change in his way of handling his families.

nothing is more real than this. forget about pourin your blessings to Taxi uncles when you cant pour your heart to your dad. and he thanked me for voicing out.

is this blog all about me me and me? i hope not. oh and by the way My Dad did mention "your God should have this this this this....." something like how when pple share testimonies tt their parents finally open up to God. He did mention in in a similar way. probably short of his disapproval. haha. there really isnt anything he could disapprove of in any of our lives, i think. maebe tts y i grew up to hate being bounded by rules. coz not tt many pple had the moral right to bind me in any form of parameters. no one in my family was a role model.. i guess.

with this vengeance i should have a very focused mind isnt it? to like earn enough to feed the family. y dont i have it ah?

jianjianjianjian. when was the last time God spoke to you? i think he is right now.

jian