When you try to recall all the major failures and successes in life

I am in one of those periods when an upcoming big event will probably make a significant difference in my life. one of those that resembles me having a scholarship that i pretty much want very much, or like maybe having confessed to a girl of my feelings for her and eagerly awaiting her reply. or should I say, still in the planning stages of making that confession.

the fear of rejection, failure could grip you hard. especially when you think of how disappointed you were when you failed to make it for some of the significant things that meant quite a bit to you. a dropped subject in JC, a lost competition, a commissioning parade that didn't happen, an interview that you should have aced etc. some of those arguably were not in your control etc...

and then you thought of the moments when you triumphed in life. for all those that failed, it was all those that you made for that brought you to where you are right now. and so since, i wouldn't consider myself to be in a position that i particularly find unfortunate, I guess I am alright. but thinking back at those successes, it was really that 'i've got nothing to lose' attitude that i recall to be most vivid. it might not be a causative relationship, but well, I guess it did just allow me to say what I wanted and well, hope for the best. of course i guess the prep work is impt too blah blah blah...