..........

blogging seems to be in conflict with our daily experiences. the more time you spend outside experiencing stuff, the less time you hav to blog isnt it? the times when i feel that i've got time to blog, i find myself stuck with words because of either a lack of events for the day leading to a lack of thoughts, or my thoughts for the previous day hav faded. someitmes i need to paste my thoughts on the little post its on my desk top to remind me that i thought of such wonderful reflections but don;t have the time to blog it. treid to sleep at midnight last night, realised that it takes a lot of discipline to do so. coz people only thats calling me after midnight. or maebe i start wondering why certain people dont call only when the midnight gong strikes. not anymore. was speaking to a friend who was down with chicken pox. have anyone wondered why chiecken pox is called 'shui dou' (water beans) in chinese? my friend i hope you are reading this.

how about living life just filled with tasks and not think abt them? just do it.

how about living a life getting maximum benefit from others? say make a few very gd frens, hav them confirmt that they are you r life frens and just leech on them or somehting? there are far too many nice people around who unconsciously do not mind people taking 'small' advantages of them.. but alot of these smalll advantages can lead to a livelihood. just like those uncles selling tissues papers, 3 for a dollar at supper venues.. that earns them a livelihood man! awesome concept.

is there any value in being nice and being willing to help always? i am starting to wonder this world is one which favours people who noes how to throw calculated tantrums. whats the use of being nice all the way. u let all pass thru you hoping that people will appreciate and one day coz of these small favours youve shown tot them reward you with a huge chance to prove yourself? it never happens. people come and go man. as i've said to someone earlier in the day, they are going to remember you, yes they are. butit stops there. theyll just remember you for being a nice guy. i suspect 'successfiul people' are the ones who r not the most liked. but the ones who knows their way without getting extremely disliked. its ok to have people disliking you. just as long as they dont hate u?

not referring to anyone in paticular here. haha. if i do not plan my holiday well, it'll just be another holiday that i will waste away. think i have to stop loading myself with activiies here. to have a day totally free to just sit down and think. and do nothing. i hope its not july by then.haha
why is every girl i see today wearing the levis jeans that have that v shaped pocket? haha. nice though. shapes your bum. like a bra for your sagging buttocks. guys should have a version of that.

as we invest more and more of this thoughts archiving into this, isnt anyone afraid that all thiese might be gone if the server goes crashing? its like losing a diary that has been you for years. complete with pictures!!!

when the music fades...

when the music fades, haha. nothing to do with what i feel now actually. just that i feel really sick now. still in sch. haha. just that i am relaxing in sch. ever wonder how you do that? tts when your sch is in town. and u sit out chilling out just like any other cafe in town. i duno. but that soothes me a little. but definitely not close to 1% of that compared to sitting at the beach with your guitar. Bali was beautiful. felt like a king going for $11 massages that last for a whole hour, havin your hair done by 4 ladies simultaneously. everyone was friendly. tho they've got $$$$ all flashing on their faces. haha. but well. its cheap enough. so well. and BINTANG beer is something you cant miss man.

i think the beach just draws me like nothing else in the world. i think i am a beach person. was at sentosa the day before BALI, imagine the tan lines i've got now. i look like some jamaican aborigine lah..

haha. din even dare to see mommy when i am back. haha.

this is what drinks can do to you. pls do not learn tsk tsk tsk

the simple feat of sitting down and doing nothing feels so good when you have been deprived for so long. sounds a little like army huh. leaving one just to find another of such. its like finding a 2nd girlfriend with the same attitude problem. ok sorry, bad analogy but i just have to put it in coz of my affiliations. :)
the feeling after this set of exams is really good. particularly since i am going to experience one of the few long holidays in my life, 4 mths to be exact. and i know i have quite some stuff packed for me this hols. really looking forward to some free time especially when i've been pushin everything aside since i dont know when.
i've been so into exams i havent had the time to even sit down and chill til these few daes. i've been enjoying myself so much that i cant stop sitting down with frens and doing nothing. was with friends the past couple of daes and have all similar activities lined up for the next few days as well. well. my nus and ntu counterparts, i'm sorry haha. been thru my time, now its urs! all the best. it coming soon.. ah hem,.
well i sure do hope that the hols have in line for me not all of fun but also some of reflection and consolidation. this seems to be the most impt hol for me if i ever wana noe for sure what i wana do in the future. at least thats how i see it. i think that the 2nd year in uni is the golden year of sorts. i see that most of the students really hold important roles when they are in yr 2. by the time they are yr 3, it seems a little too old already. so well.
i guess its time to give family some time.
i think i need to bring a camera around with me soon. should i get one with my progress package? hhaa. i've got money strewn every where it seems like if i dont get money from one place i'd not really know as well. aiya. that explains y i am poor. poor financial planning. need an accountant wife. not true. look at my uncle.. die..
even though school is over for now, i still find myself in school most of the time. either meeting people there or like doing stuff.
ok i am almost out of anything to write already. thats the problem when you dont write when u feel stuff.
i wonder how all my friends are doing. til now then i have the time to think abt them? such a convenient friend eh. yah.. true. i always get complaints abt how short my msgs are and how cold they sound, even from friends. so shar.. you r right. its not your high expectations. its just me. but i tried. gave up. going to give up now too. haha. i am going to be the one liner me.

man dont complain. man dont whine

the aftermath...

after having been gone thru such tough times. i dont think theres anything else that could standin our way anymore. the way tt university trains us. I once thought that the way army trains us, it'd toughen us up for anything ahead. i used to think that after constantly waking up at 530 and doing my own bed, i'd be able to do tt for the rest of my life. haha. that was why i went for the Ranger course isnt it? so that i can go to the deepest end of hell to appreciate what we have on earth hahaa. but earth seemed the same after a while i guess. it din really set in for my mum that i went for the course actually. still feel a bit bad abt tt. wat if she lost a son wothout knowing y? hahah. i just told her SAF sent me for 'a course'. manificent euphemism.

universitywas it meant this way? i dont think so. perhaps we were supposed to have done constant work. and be very hardworking. Dan lin once said something that i thought was true. A levels rewarded more of the smart people. but university rewards the constant and hardworking people. totally agree!

GOoD friday is coming. doesnt mean much to me.. but well. i hope its gonna be gd..
muggin like crazy.

girls and guys

i've got to say this. i have no generalisations to make about ladies and guys. but these are my observations:

1. its tougher for me to find a friend who is close to heart in school who is a female than male.

2. i've got a friend who demands attention but gives none. she's a lady. and i suspect that if she's not, i would have smacked her right in the head. haha.

3. i've got a friend who uses the word 'dear' loosely, but when the word comes to her from a guy, she asks him to 'stop flirting with her'.

4. i've got no girls in my stats class (ok. out of point)

5. i'm afraid of getting to know the girls in my church.

6. i'm also afraid of getting to know girls in school. coz i'm afraid they'd end up like... (i'm still finding someone who can back me up on this. haha)

7. i'm afraid i'm going to end up like...

8. ok this is getting too chim for anyone to know.

aniwae.. all these is just to illustrate something la:

thanks guys. for the heartwarming lunch today at chicken rice and gizzards. of which we still havent figured if its their kidneys or L#$%s ? its so gd having you guys as after stats and life buddies. heck the girls k. i know i'm supposed to be the last guy in the world to say that haha. but well. :)

ALL HAIL

there are no 2nd chances.

Spend all your time waiting
for that second chance
for a break that would make it okay
there's always one reason
to feel not good enough
and it's hard at the end of the day
I need some distraction
oh beautiful release
memory seeps from my veins
let me be empty
oh and weightless and maybe
I'll find some peace tonight

In the arms of the angel
fly away from here
from this dark cold hotel room
and the endlessness that you fear
you are pulled from the wreckage
of your silent reverie
you're in the arms of the angel
may you find some comfort here
So tired of the straight line
and everywhere you turn
there's vultures and thieves at your back
the storm keeps on twisting
you keep on building the lie
that you make up for all that you lack
it don't make no difference
escaping one last time
it's easier to believe in this sweet madness oh
this glorious sadness that brings me to my knees

In the arms of the angel
fly away from here
from this dark cold hotel room
and the endlessness that you fear
you are pulled from the wreckage
of your silent reverie
you're in the arms of the angel
may you find some comfort here

you're in the arms of the angel
may you find some comfort here

in the arms of an angel

tonight is one of which i have a lot of emotions. trying to sleep but simply cant. despite it being like 330 am in the morning and i've got my first paper tmr morning at 9 am. gdness, what am i thinking? i might not have enough sleep to score me my A in that stats paper! and then i would get an A- instead of an A, or even worse, a B!! and then my GPA would fall by 0. something!! and then it would cost me my career!! my God. why have you not designed me to think like this? i wished i could think like some idiot who just aims at GPA! but i just am not such. i follow my intuitions when it comes to decision making. haha. a conscious decision indeed.

minutes ago i was just crying out to the Lord. reaching my hand into the dark and forgetting night sky who seems to have forgotten abt me all these while! i know perfectly tt i am not forgotten. by sharlene or by so many other of my friends. thanks!! to those who spared me the attention all these while. tough time? not so sure if this me would last forever. so.. xin ku le...

cired out loud to the hymns of 'arms of an angel'. each time i hear this song, i could really close my eyes and feel an angel covering me with his/her white feathered wings. tonight it was like God himself doing the job, in the form of my blanket. ha.

really wana just thank the people around me. i think its all God's unfailing grace to have planted these pple in my life, and planting me in theirs. thanks to Stanley and Yong howe who both said a simple but powerful prayer in church service today. i thought to myself. i wana be like them. and just speak into people's lives and touch them!

realised that i kinda like fulfilled one of m simple goals this year. howe, havent shared this, but well. when the LKC scholars decided on having a meeting before the exams to like pray for each other, i was thinking to myself, i'm like the only one (if i'm not wrong) whos even like comfortable to pick up a guitar and like strum loh. so i thought, i might as well sort of like rise up to the occasion to play and like lead a simple worship for our small grp of abt 8 to 10 people. since we are all peers. and of course i voluteered a close friend to the job of 'co-leading' the worship. i'm the best at this lah! so well, 2 guys, zero experience in leading worship or cell grp or wateva, taking the step forward by faith. with a lousy and out of tune guitar. we had a great time of worship and deep sharing at the end of the term. AMEN!

i must say i really felt refreshed after that all. and i realised that many a times one would only do things when there is the need for him to do! i din see the need in church for me to even pick up that guitar. theres always someone there who can do it better than me. haha. God provided the situation? i mean in any grp of 10 christians or so, what are the chances of having zero people knowing how to play the guitar? thats a binomial distribution. X~B(p,10) hahahaha!!!! now you know i am ready for the stats exam tmr! i'd ay the chances are pretty small.

so.. thanks to... yihan, who took it by faith as well. you displayed a can do attitude. i pray you'd earn your first million for God soon! (sounds llike LTB end of term feedback huh)

and all who shared so deeply.. we have indeed reached new grounds in terms of pouring out our problems... too bad like what Gloria said: we all know the problems or each other, and can lend a litening ear.. but no one has the answer isnt it? cant have a self managed team in this sense? actually i believe that everyone in the group definitely has the capacity to lead! come on! we are scholars! haha... ok.. duh.. well to make up for this and show that i'm not so scholarly after all,


Tada!! this is the result of a severe overdose of stats. number 3 plus symbol for chi squared statistic. haha!
fresh from the oven! done like 3 hrs ago. courtesy of a friend who loves 3.













this was the one before.

the end of the beginning of the end of the begnning of the end

random

woke up at 3pm today. absolutely rare feat, considering like one of the rare times this term that i've got more than 8 hrs of sleep!! clapzz!!! feel totally refreshed! we should all have one of these one of these before the exams. seems like from now til then its all the way already. not that i am complaining. haha. not after today. i feel like i am reborn man! thats how amazing deprivation works for me. haha. perhaps when i get my home with mum and pei i'd feel the same kind of excitement and happiness too.? a fren just told me that she doesnt understand why guys just succumb to be cheated by girls without even knowing it. !!

got into an accident.

as i am writing this, i cant move anything but my arms. yes.. the worst have happened. just underwent a major surgery.. can still feel the anaesthesia... but not my legs.. why?

i could only remember the car coming.. i feel like i am writing a novel of sorts. but i am not. i thought i had a lot waiting for me. a great future.. everything.
























happy april fools!!