Chinese New Year Revelations

Its kind of ironic how sometimes Chinese New Year, supposedly a time of reunion, makes you realise just how much meaning there is to this 'ritualistic' gathering. ritualistic or not, i guess its up to the family. and there is no guarantee that the family that thinks they are united, is in fact united. not naming names, i've got people who are in denial that their side of the family is intact and gathering well, while the one that seems to be heartless in times of need, actually, in my opinion, shows more family instincts, the whole sense of that word. i honestly wana silently boycott gatherings that seem ritualistic. gatherings that lose more meaning than if we were not to gather at all. who are we gathering for? why? for what? pardon me but i understand that there are politics involved in this thing. coupled with space constraints/ relationship problems etc. ie which brother or which sisters are not on talking terms with each other etc. sometimes i wonder if the solution to this is to have a smaller family with less siblings so that the permutations of possible conflict will greatly decrease. better still. no siblings, no slibling rivalry. no children, no inheritance problem. but i guess that also means no gathering haha. I once viewed this reunion dinner time on Eve on a sacred note. always wanting to be there til at least midnight to observe the tradition of staying awake for ur parents for them to live a long life. haha. this year i just felt so out of purpose for this practice, it made me wonder: why?
and I guess stress builds upon the fact that we all see each other again on the same day, some uncles/ aunties had a quarrel on new years day. haha. i can only laugh at the matter they are quarreling over. serious. and smart mummy: she booked a flight way before to China on a holiday. sounds gd. I support her going away for a short one. of course she just needed to sound like it was a well deserved trip for her. Mum always has this trump card of hers that if you do not do it her way, she'd just start sounding stressed up with all the things piling in her life. Even when she's technically not working now. i guess not working has its stressful parts as well. as i would understand it. since everyone else now thinks that you are damn free to run errands for them. to do all the non recurring things for them, which ironically is on a recurring basis. so i guess mum is valid. aha.
CNY is indeed a stressful time for any family i guess. simply because during this time of the year, we see each other more often than normal. which tilts the balance.
us 3 brothers see it all from an outsider's perspective. because we dont gana since we r not directly involved. Grandma kinda is neutral to anyone who didnt come out from her. this means the son in laws, the grandsons etc.
so well. all the bitchin aside. i guess i saw more of my brothers lately. not tt we dont see each other not tt often during normal days. just during this period its intensive. and yeah. i guess there still are things worth appreciating. like seeing my adorable younger sister start talking to me.