outer looks and inner shoutings.
my blogs are never an avenue to share my delights in life. its more of a place where i dump all the burdens in life. i wish my mum reads my blog.
i normally share my happiness with friends, seek personal assurance by telling them about my 'achievements'. i like it when people look up to me, when they have the look in their eyes that they wana be like me? wateva.
lately i have been trying to be what i am not.
was jus back an hr ago from picking up my mum from the airport. everytime she comes back from a week's trip to Chengdu, she never fails to bring back tons of clothes. before i could even wear them, she'd be back from the next trip.. out of which i'd probably really wear like 1 or 2 pieces of them ecoz they just look really bad. its one of those appreciation showing sessions again. wearing what your mum bought for you to make her happy? i m not so sure abt that. i bought a piece for my grandma when i was in shanghai. it makes me happy to see that she likes it and really wears it!! so i guess it works.
what really pains me is that when i leave mum for upstairs, i cant display what i wana display, but have to show her a son that shes proud of? a son that has taken care of himself well? the worse part abt life, is leaving her showing that i am fine and all, but crying on the inside that i really do not wana go up?
it reminds me of a scene in 'AI'. when young boy (i forgot his name) had one last day to spend with his mum, and at the end, just like any routine day mum gets sleepy and he wants to pat her to sleep like routine but his heart is crying out? yet he has to show that he totally enjoyed the last day with mummy? what unfailing love.
sometimes i seek to be that robot who can show unfailing love to his mum? i feel bought over.. like packed in a box that says: filial son, will not leave you even if you abandon him.
few who can read me.
we tend to think its tough to understand people who dun open up?
tired, unwanted, lonely, attention deficient syndrome, not alone but lonely, jianfeng
i normally share my happiness with friends, seek personal assurance by telling them about my 'achievements'. i like it when people look up to me, when they have the look in their eyes that they wana be like me? wateva.
lately i have been trying to be what i am not.
was jus back an hr ago from picking up my mum from the airport. everytime she comes back from a week's trip to Chengdu, she never fails to bring back tons of clothes. before i could even wear them, she'd be back from the next trip.. out of which i'd probably really wear like 1 or 2 pieces of them ecoz they just look really bad. its one of those appreciation showing sessions again. wearing what your mum bought for you to make her happy? i m not so sure abt that. i bought a piece for my grandma when i was in shanghai. it makes me happy to see that she likes it and really wears it!! so i guess it works.
what really pains me is that when i leave mum for upstairs, i cant display what i wana display, but have to show her a son that shes proud of? a son that has taken care of himself well? the worse part abt life, is leaving her showing that i am fine and all, but crying on the inside that i really do not wana go up?
it reminds me of a scene in 'AI'. when young boy (i forgot his name) had one last day to spend with his mum, and at the end, just like any routine day mum gets sleepy and he wants to pat her to sleep like routine but his heart is crying out? yet he has to show that he totally enjoyed the last day with mummy? what unfailing love.
sometimes i seek to be that robot who can show unfailing love to his mum? i feel bought over.. like packed in a box that says: filial son, will not leave you even if you abandon him.
few who can read me.
we tend to think its tough to understand people who dun open up?
tired, unwanted, lonely, attention deficient syndrome, not alone but lonely, jianfeng
posted by penicilin at 10:03 AM
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