I forgot what I wanted to say

filled with emotions tonight, dont know where to start. by the time i got to here, i've a few frens who came over for a drink to listen me out etc. I think there is dire need to get my life back on trac. but I am procrastinating. I find it so tough. I am throwing all the emails on hold, claiming that I am too busy to reply, while I am procrastinating. I hate the idea of having emails to check at work, returning home to think that you finally have some time to yourself, but have your personal email and the mailbox to check. your whole life seemingly is to check those mails to see who has what in stall for you, and settling them. your whole life is on settling mode. actually the way I look at it, the need to find a good job, the need for a house etc are all socially created isnt it? once upon a time, we just survived. but why are we running in this race of modern life, seemingly living under better standards, but yet, life becomes someting about settling. abt making everything settled in place. if not you'd be deemed as not having lived properly. ok these are just whining.

losing the opportunity recently brought me back to the feeling of a certain pt of time in my life. when i was facing somecrossrds as well. the last time tt happened. i made decisions that susbsequently sort of like impacted my life. there are many tings in my life I can come to terms with, and thus at ease with. for the others, it is a life of remorse, regret etc. it blows my mind what regret can do to me. i've lived in that mode for such a long time. I can't take it anymore. a life of regrets.