thoughts

have so much thoughts to share. 1 by 1 i guess. bear with me.

1. let's start with a show that i watched recently. as i type this, i am struggling to find the purpose in which I blog. am I updating my friends who bother to read. or am i just finding an avenue in which to let it out. but why do i need to let it out? havent I already thought it out? alright, bullshit aside. its this show called lions and lambs. casts Tom Cruise, whom for once doesnt go in that glorifying mission impossible style box office hit kind of show, which reminds me that I should really go watch Valkyrie. but anyway, back to this. lions and lambs. if you'd like my thoughts in 1 line: go watch it. not on my all time hit list, but at least it sets me thinking and I like this kind of shows. the central idea of the show runs from the notion of lions in the warfront being led by lambs in the political offices. that lions who had noble ideas about serving their country, the very country that sometimes doesn't give a shit about their kinds, especially when these soldiers belong to the minority groups in that country, which very often is the case. so these soldiers who genuinely want to make a difference, with their ambition of making that difference to their country in the warfields and returning home then to make a bigger change, because the involvement in the war was presumed to add credentials to their patriotic efforts and thus making them more able to make that tangible change when they're back. note the huge assumption that they'd be back, which the show depicts.. classic hit on a point: that society doesnt reward those who care the most. classic hit about how it is those who care that fight the war and die as a result. it is those who dont care, that stays to run the country. classic hit on those who volunteer gets volunteered more. Society does counter reward in this don't you think?
2. next: Laker's won today. tying the series to 1-1 with Houston. but... very dangerous. note that I am very very doubtful about this series. got a bad feeling. let's see where this series leads us to.
3. met up with my Cell leader today regarding... everything in life i guess haha. Had a car ride long of talking about issues. on one particular issue, of which I could not seem to make sense of, we spoke quite extensively. It was said that I'd only know how to engage God when I decide to engage God. very true I guess. but now what? ok. enough of that.
4. all this while listening to a playlist in my itunes that reads 'emo'.
5. now that the choppy waters has calmed...
6. oh and before that... well, I didnt' meet my goal for the final semester. and dont even make it sound like I have a goal every semester because i Dont. this final semester, coupled with the fact that I NEED the grade, I guess its my first hand experience of ever working consistently hard for my studies. and it was simply a great run. no doubt a failed run, but a great one. and the rest of it? I just have to deal with it. deal with the fact that it was such a cloooooseeeee one. in fact, 1 grade away from what i wanted. something like an A- instead of an A that i needed. but well, i just have to deal with it. i just have to deal with it. once again, the same feeling. the same intertwining feeling that the ends really justifies the means. the so many wat ifs that could fuck my mind, but i guess i've been through quite some of these that i dont think of it anymore. i gotta pull myself together because at least i've got something to look forward to and guess that cushions the feeling of being left there all alone, floating in the middle of nowhere kind of feeling.
7. ok.. so now the choppy waters have calmed. and time for lots of reflection coz i've shoved them aside for at least 4 mths now. time for the strangely familiar things that i wana do... drums, piano etc. haha. time for a lot of japanese. time for catching up with the friends that i've put on 'hold' during the course of this crazy term. ok. that 'hold''s gonna get some reactions from people haha. you know who you are. i guess before i know it, its D day soon. 4 months not long not short.