mousehole

i am right now reclining into my mousehole.
i deliberately missed an interview with a company the other day despite being shortlisted. but yet this is just a sidenote to what i am feeling right now.
this post almost acts like a saviour of my otherwise crazy day. but i just feel so so so bad now.
its almost like i need to get down somewhere to just let this out, and whine. to no one in particular, but just whine... like a little baby whose simply helpless about the situation.
hate is definitely a strong word aint it, but when some people say it, you know that he or she really means it since you know he/she ain't those kinda who can't control their emotions. it must have been a careful consideration and very thoughtfully putting across, yet not able to find a righter word than 'hate'. and thus i accept it. this someone is so important to me.
the stone's been cast and made too big a void.

"Goodbye My Lover"

Did I disappoint you or let you down?

Should I be feeling guilty or let the judges frown?

'Cause I saw the end before we'd begun,

Yes I saw you were blinded and I knew I had won.

So I took what's mine by eternal right.

Took your soul out into the night.

It may be over but it won't stop there,

I am here for you if you'd only care.

You touched my heart you touched my soul.

You changed my life and all my goals.

And love is blind and that I knew when,

My heart was blinded by you.

I've kissed your lips and held your hand.

Shared your dreams and shared your bed.

I know you well, I know your smell.

I've been addicted to you.

Goodbye my lover.Goodbye my friend.

You have been the one.You have been the one for me.

I am a dreamer and when i wake,

You can't break my spirit - it's my dreams you take.

And as you move on, remember me,

Remember us and all we used to be

I've seen you cry, I've seen you smile.

I've watched you sleeping for a while.

I'd be the father of your child.

I'd spend a lifetime with you.

I know your fears and you know mine.

We've had our doubts but now we're fine,

And I love you, I swear that's true.

I cannot live without you.

Goodbye my lover.Goodbye my friend.

You have been the one.You have been the one for me.

And I still hold your hand in mine.In mine when I'm asleep.

And I will bare my soul in time,When I'm kneeling at your feet.

Goodbye my lover.Goodbye my friend.

You have been the one.You have been the one for me.

I'm so hollow, baby, I'm so hollow.I'm so, I'm so, I'm so hollow.

I'm so hollow, baby, I'm so hollow.I'm so, I'm so, I'm so hollow.

do i still put any hope in this? or do i just contribute to the pain? am i contributing to this relationship or is it a partnership?