there was a time
randomness.... this afternoon is just filled with it. there's no pattern governing what I do. neither the impt nor the urgent. just random.
i remember once upon a time I had pretty cutting edge views in class, and there was just some sort of flair that i exuberated in my arguments. seems like they're gone.
and when the rest of the world seems to be settling down in their own lifestyles, you feel left behind. i feel left behind. i feel like i am still waiting for things to happen onto me, before which i can't move a chess in my game. i just have to wait here... and i hate that feeling. so many things being put on hold, while i wait for decisions to be made upon me. whether this company wants me, that programme wants me.. et cetera.
i for one and very willing to stagnate in this stage, because nothing seems to matter more to me.
days ago, i compressed my 'life story' into a 5 min version on a self introduction segment of an interview. i thought i did ok on that one, but it seems i find it very difficult to describe me. reminding me of which there is some of an evaluation based on the personality test that i did before the interview. ha. another random thing for me to do this afternoon and continue to procrastinate on my studies. damn.
i feel thrown behind by the entire world. i feel worried for myself. will i cultivate this sense of procrastination and go on like this my whole life? i seem to have no problem convincing peopel that there are things in life i am very passionate about. but i wonder if that's a facade. i can't seem to remember facts very well in my mind and i wonder if its because i cannot link the facts together to find a pattern for easy storage.
i definitely lose out in terms of my technical skills as a business student. i can only fill that gap with fluffier items like politeness, charm, relationships, experiences, etc. tough. absolutely tough.
i remember once upon a time I had pretty cutting edge views in class, and there was just some sort of flair that i exuberated in my arguments. seems like they're gone.
and when the rest of the world seems to be settling down in their own lifestyles, you feel left behind. i feel left behind. i feel like i am still waiting for things to happen onto me, before which i can't move a chess in my game. i just have to wait here... and i hate that feeling. so many things being put on hold, while i wait for decisions to be made upon me. whether this company wants me, that programme wants me.. et cetera.
i for one and very willing to stagnate in this stage, because nothing seems to matter more to me.
days ago, i compressed my 'life story' into a 5 min version on a self introduction segment of an interview. i thought i did ok on that one, but it seems i find it very difficult to describe me. reminding me of which there is some of an evaluation based on the personality test that i did before the interview. ha. another random thing for me to do this afternoon and continue to procrastinate on my studies. damn.
i feel thrown behind by the entire world. i feel worried for myself. will i cultivate this sense of procrastination and go on like this my whole life? i seem to have no problem convincing peopel that there are things in life i am very passionate about. but i wonder if that's a facade. i can't seem to remember facts very well in my mind and i wonder if its because i cannot link the facts together to find a pattern for easy storage.
i definitely lose out in terms of my technical skills as a business student. i can only fill that gap with fluffier items like politeness, charm, relationships, experiences, etc. tough. absolutely tough.
posted by penicilin at 11:47 PM
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