Cognitare and Chinese new year

i remember saying some hours ago that i have to do a 大扫除 of my miserable life and clear up all that has to be cleared.

let me first mention the disappointment of myself in trying to get into this business case club in smu. it was almost like my dream to be in this club that sends students on overseas business case competitions. i went for the interview and was bombarded many times, with many concepts that i am not very familiar with. i failed. just got the email that starts: "i am sorry to inform you that due to... "

the once confident me in smu came straight crashing down. gdness. to think i was recommended. i am so paiseh.

今晚是除夕夜，应当是为妈妈守岁的时候。 所以索性就干脆别睡算了。 也许已经没那种气氛了。每个人都是为了让老人家高兴而来的。来的也一下子就走了，不干脆不来算了？礼节吧？

when my life is indeed fucked up

sorry for the vulgarity folks. cant help it. its almost impossible to go on. the realisation came straight after losing the last match of the season by 1 pt after an overtime. i think that was the first overtime game i played yeah?

in time to come perhaps i'd either get more efficient, better at prioritising, learning to sae no, or i will just go crazy.

why am i wasting time in class now? if i am not listening then i can be doing some other work cant i?

for there is nothing good or bad? thinking makes it so? how profound.

gotta see this man.

back to the old days...

back to the old days where we had our long team talks and stuff. i felt it todae. we almost spoke til 3 am at a kopitiam. almost like those uncle at kopitiam. i am indeed v happy loh. after basketball. i love the game. i love having a team that will go with me without any regrets. knowing we did our best. played a beautiful game todae. won by one. BEAUTIFUL. and i feel more and more i have to learn in basketball. to apply in life and to foster another cluster of never ending friendship that will last me a lifetime. i begin to wonder how we will break the odds this time. not by sheer faith and determination, but by a faith in each other. i now understand how shiro is able to move on and play basketball in osaka. i look forward to playing him again. and to improve on myself. perhaps basketball brings me the confidence i need in life. that i can still push myself to the limit. as if when i can push myself physically i noe that i am mentallly stilll ok. thus i am going to invest another yr of my life into this basketball thingy that has taken up half my life. i am a basketman. indeed a basketman, who loves basketball.

okah!!

in class right now. its simply too boring to stay awake listening. !! talking about pigeonholes relating to accounting. wow.

prof's this old man who only prompts girls for questions. in the end i suppose i will do worse off than a girl who hasnt spoken in class. there seems to be a minimum grade that girls will get. but guys.. i think you will really burn in hell if you do not do well.

total credit = total debit. what a statement. perhaps its true in life too huh. hat you sow is what you reap? haa. or what you give is what you will receive?

第一次。。

第一次我用中文写网络日记， 是在上课的时候。。 实在是不应该。

players and women.

coincidentaly i am learning abt correlation in a stats class now. and someone was telling me last night there definitely is more players who are female now than male. can u see the corelation? no? thats the whole point.

and we named a few examples recently amongst our friends.

a friend just broke up with his gf recently. and he got himself drunk almost every other night he said. actually more accurately he was ditched. i was over at his place, and he complained "how can she ditch me. if wana break also i ditch her loh. she was the one who jio me leh"

wow.

when love and hate collide guess what you'll get? me.

on a rainy afternoon

what a wierd place to blog. todae is what i call a lifestyle day. i basically went to sch not knowing why i am there. almost just to kill time. i feel that i'm kinda stuck in a space between being extremely busy yet not knowing what to do at the moment. it seems as though at the back of my mind i have 1001 things to do, yet i am idling now knowing theres too little time to do what i wana do anuway. like reafing my textbooks and stuff. haha. yet i was sitting at starbucks using my prepaid wireless card from singtel to access to internet over a cup of coffee, left behind by the previous customer of our beloved coffee company.

ok i admit that i am CHEAP. i am. hah.

and now i find myself sitting at wine garage at 3 in the afternooon. how ridi. and i am tapping into brewerkz's wireless network bloggin. brewerkz pple r nice people. haha.

and i am cheap.

its been raining everyday. a friend said this: who says singapore has no seasons? aint now autumn? haha. love the temperature, but def not the rain! esp when i am a bball player.

my season's almost over this yr. and i thought we had a chance. hai.. what can i sae? i havent displayed the most committed spirits myself.

i wonder who reads this shit. who in the world has the time to read what other people are thinking abt when everyone already gets so frustrated reading spams and junk mails. but then again, if there r people as bored as me as to write this stuff i'm sue there'd b bored people reading such too. haha. what a joke.

i wonder how people'd think abt my thought process. you know how we are always insecure about ourselves, especially when our houghts are displayed..

rain rain go away. come aagain another day. little lu lu wants to play.

ti oh oh , bei lo ho.

when was the last time i had that feeling????

when was the last time i felt even close to this... we were thrashed 30+points by a team, in basketball. a sport where i thought i was good at. to think we went into the game confident, thinking it was a half fight game. my gdness. we ourselves were to blame lah.. no way we could have turned around. it wasnt even a tight game or anything. the spirit. wateva. our captain was haywire. he was in a daze, in such a big slump he dont even noe it til now. come on, we trained so hard for this? there was no pressure on anyone to perform. we only need to step it up when on edoesnt perform isnt it? not when all out shots are not falling and stuff right.. hai.. wat was going on? r we still contending? this match almost cost us our entire season. not to say we still hav any chance. its almost a hopeless end now. we can only hope to play our best games in the games to come. we have nothing to lose now. literally nothing to lose now.

summary

melvin aka zhou jie lun:
"i've been in smu for 3 yrs and i've never seen the team play so well before. "
IVPs are coming real soon. sooner than ever this yr. we've practically not had any team trainings in the holidaes. it only started like first week of jan. and we r playing ivps 11th jan. that leaves us with only a week to train. ha. wat a joke. yet we played the best game SMU has seen in a friendly match. thats life.

i really cant gauge how gd we r. sometimes i question whether we r as gd as vj. i duno. seems not so in terms of team, yet still might be stronger since we have melvin and jeffrey.

so come this wed we'd all noe.

i wish i could concentrate on stuff.