i got this weird feeling that my life is brewing to a major storm that is about to come in a yr or 2. i really think so. i wonder what i am doing now to brew tt storm.. today has been a somewhat tiring day.. so much that i needed to take a 10 min nap in the car before my 5pm class.

1030 airport become 1030 library

1041: in the lib. looking thru the glass panel in front of me that has a darkened view of victoria street. in the background, there are the hymns of God knows which choior on god knows what occasion blending into the usual sounds of the night. i see people playing frisbee in the dimly lit area below, and i wonder why i am here. this has been a day of adrenaline. unroutinely i downed a can of classic redbull, which probably explains its wonderful effects even til the night. i suspect i'm going to take another. in the window pane i could see both reflections of the other night muggers, as well as refractions of the dark night outside. i wonder which side i am on. the library is a weird place at night. esp in this part of town, literally. its prob just a long waiting queue short of zouk. otherwise i really couldnt tell the difference. the collective spirit of running a race here in the library is so overwhelming it seems like everyone's perspiring in a hot sauna, with the temperature rising like the digital clock changing its numbers. this must be the so called Rat's Marathon. the race of your life! pun intended. some say its worse than the race in the CBD. i feel trapped in my very own way. like a mouse running on the threadmill, but with cuffs to your legs to prevent you from not running.

whoever said to me that A levels is the worse exam in your life and uni is a breeze: thanks for the great teaching LEH. nonetheless, i see such a huge change in me. in my quality of slides, in everything!

recently i bought the SMU hoodie and it really looks liek those Harvard hoodies that they have. kinda promotes school pride lah. i'm so gonna wear the hoodie to copenhagen and be proud of my school. i dont care if they'd think that Singapore is the English name for Shanghai.

the irony: income taxes are haunting me even before i have an income.

i thought i'd have a companion studying with me. of which i probably wont be able to concentrate that well. not that i am now. HA.

off to my taxes. i've got such a big income i need a tax advisor now to plan my taxes. love

are we missing the big picture?

are we?

oh by the way i was looking thru statistics in Singapore and its like 15% christians and over 50% buddhist. i wonder how they colate the statistics. and i wonder if i am captured as a christian or a buddhist. no one ever asked me if i were a christian or something. perhaps the 100000 forms that i filled in over the yrs did have a use.

so.. am i missing something here? the funnything is we never know what we dont' know. so am i missing something here doesnt really tell me much. whats the pt of pitting your ass at doing 1 thing? i wonder. i wonder why i was so bia in army. because i'd have to spend the time in there anyway. is it the money? i dun think so since theres not much anwyay. is it the learning? i used to tell myself tt, but did i learn much out of it? i guess i did.

so whats the purpose now? of trying so hard for an internship, etc. i'm not too sure about that. i wonder whether all these will matter, since i kinda surrendering them.. i dun think there is a need to feel pressured to find a gd job/internship/grade than others. i just think it will come if it will come. my job now is to get the most out of this education. holistic view. i will try my best at every opening i have.

blog about mum

theres this note in my weekly sermon notes that says "blog about mum". its to remind me to blog about my simple dinner with my mum. some day in the last 2 weeks i had a simple supper with my mum. alone. just the 2 of us. seldom the case coz there'd always be at least 1 of my 2 brothers. hm.. thoroughly enjoyed the session. had pretty good and simple food, not to mention the Joo Chiat Vietnamese girls to complement the feast. as we were just simply enjoying the company of each other... in my memory, i really don't remember ever having a meal with my mum alone. perhaps in one of those 'meet the parents session' in my school days, where she had to go to sch to listen to my teachers complain about me, there was one. but i can't really rem. anyway, its just the simple pleasures of life like this that i am really grateful about. if you cant' have these, then don't talk about the joy of getting your dream job, joy of getting a scholarship, joy of buying a new car. these are fundamental arent they?

my brother asked me 'do you treat simei as your home?' the other day before service. and to a certain extent i was pleasantly surprised at his qn. anyway, its not lah. its where i stay. not really my home. my home would be a place where say i stay with my family loh.

by right

if my life were to be subject to laws, i think i'd have died by now. learning about income tax now in Singapore, and learning about child benefits, etc..