life

this is another episode in which i had the chance to engage in some life talks with my dad. in one of those pretty intimate moments considering his absence in most of my early life. indeed, a very hard earned amount of money to aid in my exchange. made me think, if i'd so easily spend the money that he really paid so much effort to earn. honestly, i'm like wondering, its so easy to spend $100 in zouk this hols season, but do you know what extent my dad would go to earn 100 bucks? he's really damn shen. and yes, i don't normally like to take money from my dad, previously because i din wana feel indebted to him, since i can safely say that for the last 10 yrs of my life, i really havent' received much from him. my other 2 siblings have i guess. but in that sense, the amount tonight is more token and means much more than any other amounts. i know how much it takes him to raise that amount of money. and to see him part with it, not knowing how i'd even use it, means a lot to me. honestly i could really spend it on drinks, on buying things that are not necessary.

and tonight, i said to him once again, ' if you were still rich and in business, you'd not have had time to spend time la kopi with your son tonight.' he'd probably still have been in that race, as he put it himself. and tho i'm not sure if this seems any meaningful to him, i guess it did.

he has been diligently giving Jason an amount of money these months, which again is token, but meaningful. it has created many possibilities for Jason.

again. much appreciated. all i hope is that the family would still find many ways to help each other.

a different look at the yr past

just a couple of weeks back, i'd have been thinking that this has been a real bad year. plagued by the fact that whatever i applied for, i wouldnt get it. seriously, everything this yr. and i'd hav thought: this had def been a bad yr for me. was talking to a fren and he thinks its a bad yr for all those born in the yr of rats. perhaps.

but just over the x mas tat passed, i realised that its not been such a bad yr after all. with many still loving. and i really ought to count myself lucky to have some of the best moments that is to come. family is very supportive over me going to copenhagen by buying winter clothes etc.

its been a gd yr.

life after

i must say i am having one of those good times of my life. after a grueling semester with crazy modules, i am enjoying with a lot of alcohol, a lot of catching up with friends, etc. time seems to pass. i seem to have a lot of things to do, yet kinda dont really know wat to do. i'm sucha procrastinator. knowing tt my peers are all probably learning new things by the day, to make themselves more eligible/employable/admirable/happy. i just find it tough to think tt i derive some sorta happiness sleeping the whole day away. i find tt i am like finding things to fill in those time slots. but no purpose in governing what i do. i seem to be meeting whoever calls to meet me. i've grown tired in purposefully organising outtings to meet people i want to me. i meet people who want to meet me. isnt it true? half true. not tt i dont wana meet people who wana meet me. but its just tt i've not been meeting people i want to meet.. with or without them looking me up. why is tt so? i keep thinking i am busy coz i have a lot of things to settle before exchange. but the truth is i am not busy. i am not even doing an internship, with the next summer scehduled for lotsa travels. i seem to be playing and playing. when am i going to work? hm..

things that you don't do when you are in school

a gd run with an old buddy.. in the rain. for a while din have the running feeling, as i got on it, i got faster and faster and faster. the rain was refreshing!

hot bath after, 2 absolutely fantastic ace citrus (as the call the big and juicy and sweet tangerines). 1 cut, the other peeled. just for a slightly different taste to it.

and i got on to my affairs of typing emails and my usual 'admin'.

this definitely made my day. of course something else would've. 2 great mentors in 1 day. what a blessed life i am leading. 2 who are truthful to themselves and to me. and they dun brainwash you. they tell you the truth. even if it means not 'benefiting' themselves. people like tt are hard to come by.

ok.. this is not going to spiral into my family issues again, and certainly not whining abt sch since its over for now.

as you would have noticed: why do i not talk much abt my relationship in my blog? is it because i am ashamed? is it because i do not want to foil my chance with other girls who read my blog? (not tt there are many who read to start with). and of course...

today i am going to talk about the lady in my life. i've been lately thinking about it. and honestly, this is not like acting humble or what, but i so so so do not deserve her. in fact i so do not deserve anyone in this part of my life. since i'm really the selfish sort in a relationship.

i abuse the word 'balanced'. i am the kind who will not give up meeting friends. of course i try to regulate. but i think my gfs are bound to feel like as if i am draggin myself to meet them. its just me. but honestly i am not. i just seek a balanced life. which many times are not understood by most.

i cant say how kind life has been to me.