the itch after 7 years

today i went jogging... i guess this term is all on slow studying and jogging in betweens. i do hope i have the discipline to do just that. tonight is a friday night, and its rare on a fri night that i am not out.

i just felt so stifled today at home, trying to study and solve a problem that earlier did not contribute much to. sometimes i wonder how low i have to go on my self esteem before i will really buck up. must i experience an irrevocable damage to somethign before i have the discipline? hai. and so i decided i wanted to go for a jog. and since my last clocking was about 45 mins worth about 8km, i decided i needed to do someting longer today. factoring in all the traffic lights etc.. it sure was a long long run... i went back to places where i first visited 7 years ago. i was counting along the way and i realised its been 7 years. amazing haha. and i sat down on a bench and wondered how many 7 years we have in our lives. not that many apparently. and i was self inspired to want to do a good video on the trails that i experienced today. with good background music to reminisce the good old moments. and good old sepia lighting to go with the feel. that was my turning pt. i listened to 2 songs there and i turned back, heading home. somewhat of a symbolic gesture in the emotional highway. i looked down, with the blurring background of cars running past my hands in the foreground. they looked grey under the dim yellow lights. i crossed the bridge and went ahead on a path i wasnt familiar with back home.
life has to be this dramatic to be meaningful.

reliving the JC days

spoke to 2 of my JC classmates, seems that i'm not used to the routine of coming back and announcing to friends that i am back or something. or maybe i just assumed msn'd do the job.
and this very same night, the JC yearbook just caught my attention from the earlier ransacking of my O and A levels cert which my mom wanted. i dont know why.

i began flipping those pages and each page just made a new laughter. i realised that winning the A div basketball in my first yr was quite a big deal. at least for us. haha. and i realised, had i known how to play the political game like say.. now, things'd have been so different. decisions made and stuff.

and of course, i realised... that VJC has a lot a lot of talent. everyone is a somebody somewhere it seems. from sports figures to very successful executives today.. i wonder when the teachers condemned these people in those days, did they consider what they'd be in the near future? amazing.

emomomo mimi momo

my excuse to everyone's that i'm still adjusting to life back in singapore. maybe i really am, but i feel someting brewing.. something that tells me i'd be really unhappy in the near future. i dont feel happy at all. of course the excuse is that i came back from a long holiday, thus facing back to reality is not tt fun after all, but i know i'm glad to be back in spore. in some sense i might be running away from things as of now. i dont know.

school has started and i'm like in the mode where its going to be a 4 mth without thinking again. in fact, i think its like going to be 8 mths since i foresee i'd be in 1 way or another busy for the winter holidays too. hai.. and then its work. i dont think i have time for my grad trip anymore. i dont know. but whats with grad trip?

what kind of decisions do i make in life? seemingly different from others. but i guess i havent been the kind who makes very independant decisions. eg, i would have went to RJ, if not for the basketball guys. i would have chose F maths over gf.. etc. haha. i'm conventional in a way. pretty safe travelling route in Europe as well. sounds exotic but its kinda mainstream.

i dont have a very strong mind of my own.. more like building on the ideas i've heard of, rather than being a 'creator'.

ok i'm digressing.

today's just this weekend that i deliberately stayed home since i've been out the whole week. literally. someting like what JJ would have described, about the sudden desire to just switch off of everything.

who do i hang out with ? i'm not sure man. definitely with the guys now i guess. the emo guys club. hahaa. this seems liek the season to break up. i've heard of at least like 5 couples breaking up alr. most of whom just came back from exchange. whats the problem?

have we seen so much of the world, that status quo just never seems enough. ? have we seen enough of the world? if we have, shouldnt we then understand that even if you keep yourself unoccupied just so there might be good things that come along for you to choose, you still have to chooose one eventually. and you can only in some sense live in ignorance and stay with the notion that you might not have made the best choice, but you havent made the worse either? something someone told me about as being contented with what you have. i agree. but doing it is another thing. human beings are sometimes morbid i think. a fren was telling me. she wants to break up because she wants to be sad for a while. hahaa.! sounds as morbid as the joker ! but he can be wrong sometimes too! check out the boat experiment.

i'm not writing any sense here?

The Singapore Spirit

what more can i ask when a day after i came back to singapore, totally appreciating the things here for me, i'd have the chance to step on an NDP parade, my first ever on that floating platform. there are a number of wonderful things that happened tonight:

1. the kallang wave is not called the kallang wave anymore. its called the marina wave now. haha.
2. since marina is smaller, and its not a round dome shaped but instead a rectangular spectator stand, i got first class view since i was relatively centre. and trust me, the black knights show was so so so so much better in that view.
3. to be back again after almost 8 mths away, and singing the national anthem with a crowd this big, with all the emotions evoking music, synchronised fireworks etc.. it was simply an amazing session. whats more i went with my elder brother. rather odd combination indeed but wonderful.

i couldnt have asked for a better welcoming back party than this. the st james DJ that spun the music for the post party was so good that i had the itch to go to clubbing right there and then. but well. i went home and was treated to pictures of the past from my mum. and wow!! some of them i have never seen in my life.

This is my version of Hong Kong... for you guys

Hey all, facing this altogether once more. I remember my last day in Copenhagen just a month ago, and I felt so so bad, knowing that I will miss the place and of course even more so, the people and friends I've made in Copenhagen, yet at the same time knowing that even if I stayed on things would have been very different since all the exchange students were to be gone or already gone, or even if we continued with the friendship, there'd be very different dynamics etc. This is life isnt it? sometimes friendship wouldnt have been so sweet given anymore time than required. sometimes its because we know that there is some sort of an 'expiry date' that we'd give it all we've got and make it so so so perfect.

And now I am feeling the same feeling for Hong Kong. Never mind if its 3 weeks or 3 months. if i made 1 real good friend in Hong Kong i'd feel the same. less to say this group that pretty much hung out the whole time. :)I've definitely had my fair share of fun this year... being able to sit down in starbucks doing nothing on a weekday afternoon. you dont get that many of that in 1 lifetime. ok.. cut the soap opera.. let's keep this fairly concise:

BingKai: this is prob one of the most extended time i've spent with you. as we both know: having a great travelling buddy is one of the most essential prerequisites of a great trip, and you've been exactly nothing short of that. i enjoy the easy going, no need to calculate this and that part of our trip. hopefully more 'uncle' trips to come lah huh.

Momoko ちゃん：I know your secret of going out to Central on one of the mornings and telling us you went to the supermarket downstairs.. :) real thoughtful and sweet. I think amongst you are the one understands Sun Tzu's art of war the best even though you are always asleep. because you are always observing the crowd in your corner and look really clueless when you are always clear about whats going on. :) おかげ様で、多く習ってました！：）　幸せになってくださいよ!

Carole: Thanks for the shot glasses.. they are B-E-A-utiful!!! thanks also for the many compliments and I really appreciate it.. all of us have been very observant. haha. All the best for your exchange in UK and we'll see if you feel the same way as me when its finally time to come back to HK. keep in contact ok! Your Catalogue is on the way. Better than those in woman's street.

Jennie: Read the little note you gave me just a while ago. haha. should've waited til in the plane, but well. haha. :) thanks for being the great drinking buddy in AIPE... and of course all the sharing about relationships etc.

So Him (aka lou fu ji): eh. Leng Zai, you know I deliberately put you at the last. One of the best things that can happen to you is when you make a real good friend overseas. 酒逢知己千杯少。i had the chance of meeting a Korean friend on exchange, and now A 百年难得一见的。。。中医专家！ what more can i ask for? I think I must have did many good deeds in my previous life. :) thanks for the hospitality you've shown us. might have eaten into your 'Antarctica' Fund. but at least you can come down to Singapore now instead to there, and I'd make you feel so cool you'd think you're in Antarctica. hahahaaa. take care and all the best for your many plans of taking over the world. :) see you somewhere.

以上です

as i was reading.

i uncovered a secret today...

i found a blog...

written since april... someone impt.. and to think that i have lost so much of emotions of hers just kills me.. i cant take it anymore. i am going to go watch the new jay chou concert dvd to emo emo....