things going on.

Ps Victor is "leaving" us. prob could blog a one and a half page on that. but in a nutshell i suspect its going to bring us closer. at least that i think works for me. you know how when people are always there you'd always have the 'theres always another day' mentality. oops. yonghowe's at the car park already. til then. :)

in 1 night i dreamt that everything was going right for me

statistic

we are just statistic in this big big world.

i think many get attached for the reason to feel the right to "feel important". its like we feel empty inside when we have no one to call to at night. more so when we don't have the right to blame people for being unavail to you whenever you want them to. we get attached for that right isnt it? the right to get angry at someone who doesnt call you for an extended period of time, sae like half a day.

i feel carefree sometimes not having that someone who has that right in my life. hahahah. but yet i feel empty sometimes not having that right over someone. get it? awesome phrase!

but then again, its not about the rights isnt it?

was just surfing friendster some time ago, (like 3 mins ago?) rightful intention was to find a fren's picture which i was going to intro to a guy, let's call him jay. hahahaa. so went to search right, and guess what we are all so inter related tt i happened to see sharlene's friendster right, and i was checking her site to find miss G's photo, haha. and i saw a photo of her with Mr skywalker! ok trust me on this ok. yes it din feel gd. but no i'm not in a state where i am still dwelling on it. that guy looks way to cute described by my GD fren miss A right. and i'm sure "different kind of shuai" was basically a cushion for my fall of ego. :) thanks miss A for being sensitive, diplomatic blah blah blah.

you know how people subtly reveal their life thru frenster and their blogs? go check out those frensters labelled "its complicated" and you'd see a pattern, they all dont really post their "complicated partner's" pictures! but yet, it never fails that there'd def be 1 or like a few of those, yet not like openly revealing that they'r like together, but yet subtly. ha. hint hint: look thru my blog. yah right. if i had a complicated partner at all, i wouldnt be blogging right now isnt it? last parade loh!

ok enough for 1 night. its already 142 am and i have to be a presenter tmr, a waiter tmr, a friend, a brother, and most of all, the very hard to be jianfeng. nighty nighty.

今天是外婆生日 我换上复古西装
载着外婆开着拉风的古董车兜兜兜风
车里放着她的最爱找回属于是她的时年代
往大稻埋码头开去把所有和外公的往事静静回忆
外婆她脸上的涟漪美丽但藏不住压抑失去了爱情
只盼望亲情弥补回应大人们以为出门之前桌上放六百
就算是孝敬一天到晚拼了命赚钱少了关怀有什么意义

外婆她的期待慢慢变成无奈大人们始终不明白
她要的是陪伴而不是六百块比你给的还简单
外婆她的无奈无法变成期待只有爱才能够明白
走在淡水河衅听着她的最爱把温暖放回口袋

记得去年外婆的生日表哥带我和外婆参加
她最最重视的颁奖典礼结果却拿不到半个奖
不知该笑不笑我对着镜头傻笑只觉得自己可笑
我难过却不是因为没有得奖而难过
我失落是因为看到外婆失落而失落
大人们根本不能体会表哥他的用心好像随他们高兴
就可以彻底的否定
否定我的作品决定在于心情
想坚持风格他们他们就觉得很欢乐
没惊喜没有改变我已经听了三年
我告诉外婆我没输不需要改变表哥说不要觉得可惜
这只是一场游戏只要外婆觉得好听那才是一种鼓励
外婆露出了笑容说她以我为荣浅浅的笑容就让我感到比得奖它还要光荣

why am i so busy even though i am so free?

aiyo. what the. i already give up everything already. everything is like off my hands already but still i feel so stifled. how come ah? i am thinking of irrelevant things i guess. *wink wink*

its so awesome to have people commenting on your blog. it makes you feel important doesnt it? it just feels gd reading a comment that other people post on your blog. so all you readers out there. make yourself heard.

smelt the flowers

i seem to be in this withdrawal symptom this term.

havent been really in sch for the first half of the sem, now that i am freer i also dun feel like being sch that much aniwae. not really sure y. like being sick of running this "popularity" and "exposure" race of being around in school, talking to people, being around, blah blah blah.
this is th 1st week after my busy sched that i could stop and smell the flowers, i wonder if i wana keep on inputting myself in doing things and being busy in that sense, i think its time to stop and smell the flowers. i think its time to go see my mum, see my friends, study, be a mugger and not just be doing things.

whats the season of my life?

season to settle down? looks like it. season to continue to build up my knowledge, in christ or in school or wherever, maebe. season of leading people in my area of influence? maybe.

just got bombed by the prof for a research topic that he doesnt understand. haha. my gdness. think i really gotta mug real hard for now. hai.

smell the flowers

i remember the time when i was strolling along the isolated beaches of Leeward Isles enjoying the very salty and laid back life i was going thru. i remember immersing myself in the company of human humans, children who lead lives with a totally different worry as we do in Singapore. people who express themselves so much better without the aid of tools like sophisticated msn, email blah blah blah. people who are willing to sae that they love you so readily.

i remember the time when i was really enjoying the company of people whom were put with me for an extende period of time. from the company on board 4 friends to the company in the backpack trip to the Vietnam team, i thoroughly enjoyed the time guys.

so what am i doing now? looking forward for the next time that i could have no worries in school and Singapore? waiting for time to pass? not so sure. i feel that time capsule, project based, period based life. shall elab some time. class ende oops. :)

evermore

couldnt go on without the song. today i felt like almost crippled not having the song. was looking frantically online for it. calling up frens, busy looking for someone in msn who might have it. in the end i still din get it. :(

life goes on isnt it? doesnt it just happen sometimes like tt? things unhappy happening, but you just have to know the reason behind things and do 'just do it' aniway.

papz

my papz went to see me compete. for the first time in my life i felt tt. i'd rather we remain just poor with him see me doing things. thanks guys for being down there todae.

i din noe friendships could last so long. so simple wat. you've seen so much of me.

excuses

hey hey, this is on oin the train. and so it is. ha. i'm in like one of those ou xiang ju again, angeline. lugging my bad full of basketballs, my lappie bag and my shoe bag. going thru life in my isolated world, filled with moing images and nothing that i can hear but music. gd music that is. the saddie saddie music. i cant take my eyes off you... i cant take my mind off you. (eh. dun even think abt it. its lyrics. dont come and ask me which girl pls. ha.) jay chou wants to go back to the past. so do i. how come time nowadaes pass so fast but yet i feel i did so little in life? this time i din write all these in a word file then post when have internet. i merely did it in one of those 3m post it software tts on my desktop. tts super popular amongst uni students. i like this feeling of being in a crowd yet iso from them kind. last night couldnt meet yonghowe they all but in the end still ended up meeting them at simpang bedok. i'm sure He just wants me to go back and feel the connection. i've been blessed with a grp of brothers who are THERE. its a family that lets u go out and explore. a family that saes, 'son, go and do whatever you wana do, but just know that if you encounter any difficulties, we are always here for you'. isnt that what we lack so much here in singapore? parents are always telling us what to do. blah blah. i'm lucky my mum doesnt. my grandma keeps encouraging me to study econs coz a son of her fren studied econs and is earning $30000 a month now. i'm surprised a lady as gd with numbers as her isnt grappling with the the corelation very well. what the hell am i talking abt? just blurt everything out. so many thoughts going thru my mind now. im used to utilising time now and it seems my only time of solitude where i can type away is on the train, in the toilet, blah blah blah. a friend was at phuture last night and she told me there was a major commotion, got fight got blood and lights were on for a while. i'm at lavender already. in some sense this also kills time for me. i bet i'd have way longer blogs if i studied in NUS or ha. even NTU. :)

天天想你，天天问自己，到什么时候才能告诉你？

天天向你，天天守住一颗心，把我最好的爱都给你。

conspiracy theory

the server for everything else but msn is ok in sch. i suspect that we are all being silently restricted to not be able to use messenger so that we wont chant in class. isnt tt a pathetic way of getting students to pay attention in class?

i'd sleep anyway.

if i dont blog in class i'd sleep aniwae. so i might as well. haha. i sure hope the profs are busy enough to not have time to read blogs. :)

i'm having a class going thru the industrial revolution now. my gdness. sec 2 history sure proved to be useful if i ever had paid attention in class. i realised that teachers really did try to teach us useful things in sec sch. the curriculum was awesome. if i'd ever really taken the computing classes seriously. hai. i sound like one of those parents who'd ask their kids to study hard simpy coz they themselves din and ended up with a tough life. but life is always tough isnt it? i wonder what a parent who din study much but ended up successful would sae to advice his/her kid. it'd sound something like this:

"boy, dont study so hard, just aga aga and and be like me. "

or.. i wonder what a parent who studied damn hard and still ended up not successful would say to his kid:

"boy, forget... you'd end up like me anyway. just enjoy life. maximize your happinessin life."

if there ever was a corelation between studying hard and being successful, this is it:

if you were told to study hard: your advisor studied hard and succeeded.
your advisor din study hard and din 'succeed'

thats all i come up for now. mind block liao.

yes. thats how bored i am.

:=/

We were talking about Creative and Sim Wong Hoo one day and referred to their poor economic performance lately, and some one, I cant remember who but probably the likes of a professor pointed out that its not going to be the last of him because he is a ‘fighter’. And I thought to myself: wow! I’d certainly love to be known as a ‘fighter’ amongst my friends, my rivals or anyone.

This is one of those mrt entries again. I’m on my way to an audition actually, while juggling with my school work that seems pretty heavy. I haven’t been paying attention on my sch work all these while lah. And I even kinda like disappointed my grp mates coz I din really finish trying all the qns for a grp assignment due tmr. Well I hope I do make it back in time for the meeting later. If not I’d feel doubly bad.

And Da n lin: I’ve just been in a pretty bad mood lately, din mean to not be the usual “whatever you say is fine” me last night. I spent the whole of yesterday in a queue and in the end when I had to queue in mos burger for a typical like 3 mins I couldn’t take it anymore. I think we could do a queue all our life. Q-ing for food, for clothes in a sale, for flats, for bak kwa, for helly kitty toys and what have you. At the end of our lives we’d probably look back and realized we spent like 3 years of our time of our whole life Q-ing. Ha.

Barely slept like 2 hours last night. Nearly decided to not sleep at all and go for auditions this morning. I gave up the idea at 4. I also gave up finishing the homework.

I could even feel that sickening soreness at the back of my eyes when I close it now. Its that feeling when you close your eyes its like burning slightly at the back you don’t really know its burning of its like relieving. Ha.

I just hope today passes by with hope. Hope of more time to do other things, hope of doing something that I’ve been wanting to do? Whatever the case I think it can only get better. Honestly the thought of giving up really came so close to me just yesterday. The thought of just getting away and not ‘doing’ things just came to me. I wonder why we cant do anything nowadaes? Like its either A or B or C. ha. When we wee young we used to like doing ballet, piano, language classes topped with tuition classes for each subject you take in school. And we still had time to go to the park! What happened to the time?