Pasar Malam

i was doing my reading in a stressful week 2 of sch at about 930 pm and i took a peek out of my window to find, to may surprise, Pasar Malam just below my block. out of a heart of simple relaxation, i decided to go down and take a walk thru that 40 to 50 stall night market. wanted to find people at first, but after a few tries tt din fall thru, i gave up and was ok with walking around it alone. in my desperate attempts to save money for my exchange, i'd be on a mode of 'eat at home is free of charge' mentality, which really prevented me fr buying the Ramly Burgers. i succumbed to that temptation at 11 oclock. ha. what a nice feeling! less the variety of course! there seems to be endless Ramly Burgers in 1 pasar Malam. i wonder why. they are all selling the same thing. from like 5 yrs ago i've been seeing the same layout, same products etc. compare this to Ben Thanh in Vietnam, theres really nothing here that i will buy. or even compare here to Sepangput in Bangkok. theres nothing here. why is that so? but well, reliving the choldhood memories of going out at night with bro, cycling thru the masses of crowd in Geylang Serai. i m reall beginning to miss those days man. was back at Mangis the other day with jie wei to see my old house and i told her my childhood stories... i really wonder what i am going to do when i graduate. sounds like nothing will be more than a disappointment to me. i really wonder.

a dream of my internship

i thought i'd dream of some gory disturbing scene in HOSTEL. my God, now i'm like having some major phobia of going for exchange since i'm gonna stay in some HOSTEL!!!! in Europe!

someone's gona cut me up. gr...

instead i dreamt of a boring internship that i got where management was slow to react and they din know what to give me. nothing to write about tt. got me up late in the morning.

war notes

chanced upon one of those notes that i wrote during my army days in tekong. one of the worse days, towards the end before i went ooc for ranger course. my gdness. gotta be really one of those moments when i was literally talkin to God. seems like the end of time when i went ooc. looking at course mates suffering... while i am like somewhere.. waiting to be transported back. realy feels like i died, and i was looking at my course mates suffering... while i slowly float to heaven kind. what nostalgia it bring to read these notes once again. what an experience it is to be in those courses. God given stupidity to enrol voluteerily, knowing the risks.. hmmm. or maebe it was not knowing the risk. alright, no more another rd of grandpa story.

but i guess one has to be in arm to get out and understand the outside world. aiya. dun start. gd night.

felt so close to God... seeing those stars. i cannot forget those stars.

living other people's life.

i dun like to be a chauffeur. its just me. people who are ever so willing to chauffeur pple around, they really amaze me. i seriously dun understand why things are happening to me.... the other day my car just died on me right in the middle of the road! how often do things like tt happen? even the hazard like couldnt be on. it died. literally. the engine cant even cough.

the car sure is adding a lot of stress to my life. especially since i couldnt afford to even possess one. even if its given to me free. the amt i have to pay just to let it sit somewhere is killing me literally. each time my car passes by the ERP, it sends magnetic impulses to my heart such that it pumps extra hard. the higher the amt, the harder the pumping.

i so hate myself for having the feeling that i dun like to send people around since it always alters my busy schedule. seems like i am very individualistic when people around me have been nice and willing to send me around.

we are heading for doom

today's news published that there is going to be a new university coming up! SMU is not going to be the new kid on the block anymore! seems like the pressure is really on us now to sorta maintain what we have built up thus far. its not easy i must say, with so much 'growth in the last few years. something like how the youngest kid in the family must adjust when his younger sibling was just born. suddenly all the attention is going to someone else, how do you still stand to seek that sense of approval from your parents?



enough of this family analogy. not sure if i ever blogged this, spoke to uncle and got huge chunk of family history out of him. truely a heart-warming moment for me.. to hear things that happened even before i was born. sounds like one of those 'grandpa' stories. the 'before your time' stories in the family especially. in a family that is plagued by the financial struggles between the members of last generation.

eve

ever get that feeling of the day before sch starts where you could go sch to check out people, do the usual things you do in sch, start doing work again.. the adrenaline pumping action going on. this is the eve of sch reopening. somewhat lookg forward to it since a long 4 mth break, which i did nothing like what my peers are doing.

but then again i am already getting that dreadful feeling of busyness even before sch starts. no one can beat me on this. i've got a presentation on the first day of sch.

enough of partying and doing nothing, time to get down to work, i know i'd turn down many meetups this term, the only thing now is whether i can keep up with the discipline of choosing studies over the feeling of not wanting to lose out on the events and stuff. its tough.. knowing me.

someone said my typing should change, as in i am mostly using my 3 fingers on each hand only instead of 5. its real hard to change man..

bloggin is actually on my to do list.

so is helping so and so and so on..

Kathmandu is having a huge huge part of my life now. i'm like thinkign of kathmandu day and night.

a bad year

Hi all,

haven't seen much activity online lately, i kinda miss those blue worded emails yonghowe sends every now and then with highlights in red. maebe coz now he's in green thats y. (hahaha, classic yonghowe style jokes)

i just ended a 3 hour meeting to plan for a trip to Kathmandu to do comm svc. (yes another trip.) since i still feel the adrenaline from all the brainstorming etc.. i suddenly feel the urge to stop this email silence and hopefully get some comments from the family.

just some quick updates from me since we rarely share is such depth
the recent injury on my knee got me to CGH the same night. x ray shows that no bone injury on tt night. Howe and Huan and jie were there despite it being a sunday night. Feel so loved! coming back, saw the sports doc yesterday. first diagnosis is a grade 2 PCL tear. dun worry, diff fr Lucas, no need op. Thank God. PCL is a supporting ligament of the ACL which lucas tore i think. I was limping on that very next day where i was supposed to take over howe for PE relief rem? yah.. the irony: a Bai Ka limping GTO-wanna-be PE relief teacher. i still had my fun in sch!
the recent car accident i had requires me to fork out a certain sum of money which would affect my finances significantly. ie i would have to forego something. either the Kathmandu comm svc trip, or part of my exchange travelling plan etc. no one is hurt in the accident by the way. and nothing to do with the knee injury. separate incidents. ie i very suai haha. Pray that God will give me wisdom to make a sound decision.. either that or pray tt money will drop from the sky... or maebe like i'd find envelopes in toilets similar to those found in japan: with 10000 yen bills in them.
I had a lot of meaningful moments in a short 2 weeks time in St gabriels sec. even saw Pastor Lily again. no lines here for that. ask me about it.
many decisions i have to make since sch is starting and you'd know that i am the kind that wan this wan that dun wana miss out on anything one. pray with me pls that i would be able to make gd decisions on which activities to join and which to forego... even if heartpain.. haha
Have a blessed week.

jianfeng

ps: by the way the attachment is the fluids that the doctor extracted from my swollen knee via a syringe. wanted to keep it doc says its a bio hazard. ha. sounds like i'd turn into a zombie that kind. :)